Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
