lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
as a side note pls kill me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
