sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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