pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
