i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
