there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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