There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
