i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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