Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't deserve a penis
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
