Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
