I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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