Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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