i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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