she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
