I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
