You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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