K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
