I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
