she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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