On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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