so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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