Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
