I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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