I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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