Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
