All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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