i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
