Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
