Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
