hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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