the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
