Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
