only if we run a train.
done.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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