My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
