I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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