is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
is that a dick in a sweater?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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