There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
