I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
