Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
