This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
