I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
