I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
