my being single is dangerous.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Two words: blizzard sex
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
