we have pet lesbian snakes
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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