Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
