I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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