i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
