We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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