I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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