It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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